PASSION Chapter 2 part 2

Looking back, Jeong Tae-ui had never actually been in a proper romantic relationship.

There had been times when my heart fluttered looking at someone, but that person had disappeared before I could even properly recognize my feelings. I had slept with numerous people, but it was hard to call it a relationship.

A young man I had hung out with for a while and slept with—the very same person from the stabbing incident—insisted that they weren't in a relationship, which was incomprehensible considering his later actions. So, in the early days of getting involved with that young man, Jeong Tae-ui had been quite hurt. Am I destined to only have shallow relationships with anyone?

After that, I hadn't met anyone who struck me to the core, and besides, my military life became so difficult that I had no room for other thoughts.

So, these feelings were very unfamiliar. But they weren't bad. In fact, even though it was unrequited love, I felt good. The experience of feeling happy just by looking at someone.

"Excuse me—"

As Jeong Tae-ui entered the office, there were four men inside. Three instructors and one vice director.

Seeing the vice director he had exchanged a formal greeting with the day after arriving, Jeong Tae-ui straightened his posture and gave a slight bow. The vice director seemed to have just finished his business, as he nodded to Jeong Tae-ui in acknowledgment and then passed by him.

Rudolf Jantille. The man who was my uncle's direct superior.

I didn't know much about him, as they had only exchanged a very brief, formal greeting. However, judging from the opinions of those around him, he was apparently a person who seemed soft but couldn't be underestimated.

Does that mean he's a shady character? Jeong Tae-ui suspiciously asked back, but only received an ambiguous reply.

I don't care anyway. As long as this superior protected my life for the next six months, I wouldn't mind if the man was so dark inside that he was rotten to the core.

"Tae-ui hyung? What brings you here? ……What happened to your clothes?"

Jeong Tae-ui, who had been briefly looking at the vice director's back, turned his head at the soft, familiar voice.

Xinlu, who was sitting in the seat closest to the door, looked a little surprised at Jeong Tae-ui's appearance.

"Unn? Ah. It got ripped when I was sparring. I came to get new clothes. Is it okay?"

Jeong Tae-ui awkwardly laughed and fiddled with his torn sleeve. Xinlu replied, "Of course," stood up, went into a private room attached to the office, and brought out a new set of clothes.

"Thanks. What should I do with these clothes? Should I take them off and give them to you, or just throw them away?"

"Umm……. If they're torn like this, it'll be hard to repair them. I think you can just throw them away. ……You're not hurt anywhere, are you?"

"Getting hurt is an everyday occurrence, what's the big deal? I'm fine, I'm fine. Thanks for your concern."

As Jeong Tae-ui smiled sheepishly, Xinlu also smiled slightly and whispered, "Please take care of yourself."

Xinlu, the youngest person in this branch, had stiffened his face in surprise when he saw Jeong Tae-ui again less than an hour after their encounter in the bathroom that day. However, that was only for a moment. After meeting and talking a few times, he seemed to have let down his guard and became friendly, calling Jeong Tae-ui "hyung" and following him around affectionately.

"......."

Xinlu's top of head, as he examined the torn collar and considered whether to repair it, was right below his eyes. The faint scent of soap brushed his nose. I wanted to touch him.

Jeong Tae-ui, his fingers twitching as he debated whether to touch the top of Xinlu's head, quickly lowered his hand and gave up when Xinlu looked up. If my uncle had seen that, he would have clicked his tongue and called me spineless.

"You've worked hard today too, hyung. There's not much regular work left."

As Xinlu said that and smiled, Jeong Tae-ui finally realized that it was already late afternoon. Turning his head, he saw reddish clouds spreading across the sky outside the window. I was always underground, so I couldn't keep track of time without looking at a clock.

"The sky is so beautiful……."

Jeong Tae-ui murmured in admiration. It wasn't just because I was usually cooped up underground and didn't get to see the sky properly. The colors of deep blue and reddish-purple blending together across the expanse of the sky were truly beautiful.

"Hey, are there snakes outside here?"

"Huh? Yes. They come out a lot at night. But that's more towards the forest. It's okay if you go towards the coast."

"Hmm------ Wanna go together?"

"……Now?"

Xinlu asked back softly, sounding slightly flustered. Jeong Tae-ui smiled and nodded. And inwardly, he admired himself.

See? I can ask someone out on a date without any problem if I set my mind to it. I'm not some shy guy just blushing and holding back. Believe it or not, I was famous for my quick hands in clubs…… No, that's not a good thing, so let's move on.

Jeong Tae-ui felt proud of himself, but his face was already bright red.

Xinlu looked at him intently with a strange expression. He seemed to be trying hard not to laugh, and in a way, he also looked troubled. Jeong Tae-ui flinched a little at that look, but upon closer inspection, it didn't seem like he felt any unpleasantness, which was a relief.

"Hmm……, do you dislike it?"

"It's not that I dislike it, but I still have work left. Please go by yourself, hyung. It seems like there's a nice breeze blowing too."

Xinlu smiled faintly and shook his head. Tae-ui felt disheartened but made an effort not to show it and muttered, "Okay, I see." Suddenly, the sky and everything else felt gloomy.

Should I really go out alone, but the excitement that had briefly swelled up inside me died down. Inviting, anticipating and being disappointed in solitude, humans are such self-centered creatures, Tae-ui thought, smiling bitterly to himself.

"Okay, then finish your work diligently, and let's see each other again. Good luck."

"Yes, Tae-ui hyung. ……Ah, wait, hyung!"

As Tae-ui turned around and walked out of the office, Xinlu, who seemed to hesitate for a moment, came to the doorway and called him back. Then, looking at Tae-ui, who turned back with a questioning "Huh?", he smiled shyly and said,

"Let's go together tomorrow or the day after. I know a nice, secluded place, people don’t usually visit."

"Unn? ……Oh……, really?"

"Yes. If you're okay with it, hyung."

"Oh, of course, I'm okay with it. ……Unn, sure. Anytime. Call me when you finish work. I don't have any other plans after regular hours."

Jeong Tae-ui, flustered but smiling at the sudden turn of events, quickly nodded. And fiddling unnecessarily with the pager issued by the branch, he added, "You can call me anytime."

"Yes," Xinlu replied with a bright smile, then went back into the office. Left alone in the hallway, Jeong Tae-ui stared blankly at the spot where Xinlu had been standing for a while before silently clenching his fist. See? I told you it was worth a shot. Anyway, even if it's not today, we'll be able to meet up alone tomorrow or the day after.

Jeong Tae-ui finally gave up trying to suppress the smile that kept creeping up his lips and turned around.

I instantly feel better. I even feel like going outside and looking around with a happy heart.

But since I'll be going out with Xinlu soon, it's better to save this outdoor trip for then.

Jeong Tae-ui hummed a tune as he walked towards the elevator. However, while waiting for the elevator, which was stopped on the 5th basement floor, to come up, he shook his head.

There was still some time left before the official work hours. I was supposed to go back. But I had initially planned to skip work with Xinlu. Just because it was now, it didn't suddenly make me want to go back and finish the sparring match.

I would probably face some consequences later if I didn't go back, but my already excited heart didn't want to return.

"……In times like this, the best thing to do is laze around in a room full of food and things to read……"

Muttering to himself, Jeong Tae-ui turned away from the elevator and headed down the stairs.

His destination was his uncle's room, which was full of food and things to read. The key he held in his fingertips jingled pleasantly in his pocket.

As usual, I didn't encounter anyone while going down to the 1st basement floor and heading to my uncle's room. It was truly a deserted floor. Even if a murder happened here, it would take a while to notice─… No, that's not right. There are surveillance cameras everywhere.

Jeong Tae-ui pointed out each camera installed in inconspicuous places as he made his way to his uncle's room. Before entering his uncle's room, he politely gave a peace sign to the single camera there and then knocked on the door.

Knocking on the door was almost pointless. If my uncle was inside, the door would definitely be unlocked, and if he wasn't, it would be locked. So, at least in terms of asking for the door to be opened, it was an unnecessary action. It probably wouldn't even serve as a way to announce my arrival. My uncle would have already known that someone was approaching the door from the moment I turned the corner.

He knocked on the door twice, paused for a moment, and then pulled the handle. The door was locked. Jeong Tae-ui slightly raised his eyebrows and took out the key from his pocket. It was a key he had received some time ago with the room owner's permission. My uncle had readily given me the key, telling me to come and read any book I wanted whenever I felt like it.

The room was as neatly organized as ever. It had everything one could need, yet sometimes it didn't even feel like someone lived there.

"Uncle has a surprisingly desolate side to him……."

The room, clean without a speck of dust, always felt like this when my uncle wasn't there. Like a model room where no one lived. That feeling vaguely resembled the hidden side of my uncle that I occasionally glimpsed, and Jeong Tae-ui sighed.

Jeong Tae-ui freely opened the refrigerator, took out a can of beer, and chugged it down in one go. Then, he threw himself onto the neatly made bed without a single wrinkle. Rolling around a few times on the bed, which had just the right amount of firmness, finally made it smell faintly of human presence. He lay face down on it and picked up a book from the bookshelf within reach.

I used to come here almost every day after finishing my regular work and laze around reading if I had nothing else to do. Dozens of pages a day, slowly savoring each sentence.

Jae-ui would really like these rare books collected in this bookshelf. No, perhaps he has already read all of these and more.

There's no reason to worry about that lucky guy, but I’m curious. Where is he and what is he doing right now? Has he returned home? Is he holed up in some library or research lab, engrossed in books for days without sleep?

I had tried calling home yesterday as a test, but no one answered. Considering it was close to midnight when I called and no one picked up, it seemed right to assume he was still wandering around somewhere.

Suddenly, I remembered the image of my Hyung making a scissor motion with his fingers, saying it was time to cut the thread of fate.

I didn't really think Hyung disliked me or wanted to sever their connection. But what should I say? I had felt a strange feeling at that moment.

Hyung was so lucky that everything he wished for came true. So, when Hyung made a gesture like cutting their ties, it felt like the connection between them would really be severed.

Maybe at that moment, the connection between me and Jeong Jae-ui had been cut. Would we never be able to meet again then?

"I don't want that to happen……. It doesn't feel real though."

Jeong Tae-ui lay down and spread out his hand, looking at it. I looked for the trace of an invisible red thread, the kind that might have been tied to my pinky finger as Hyung said. But could it really be cut?

Jeong Tae-ui wiggled his pinky finger a few times, as if checking if the end of the invisible red thread was fluttering.

It was then. A quiet mechanical sound reached Jeong Tae-ui's ears as he lay blankly staring at his hand. It was a sound he had heard before. When he turned his head, a red light was blinking on the telephone.

"……."

Staring intently at the phone that was constantly flashing and emitting mechanical sounds, he briefly considered whether he should answer someone else's phone. In fact, I know without even thinking that it will be easier in many ways and leave no room for trouble if I don't answer. But the phone kept ringing so persistently that I couldn't bring myself to ignore it.

Jeong Tae-ui got out of bed and looked at the caller ID displayed on his phone. Tae-ui had no reason to know what number his uncle might call from, but he slowly traced the unfamiliar digits.

It was an international call. If the number started with 49…… was it Germany? The following digits would be the area code, but I didn't know that far.

In the meantime, the phone hung up. Jeong Tae-ui went back to bed and picked up his book. However, once thoughts of his Hyung surfaced, they didn't easily go away, and he ended up covering his face with the book. Hyung often used to sleep like this. When I asked if it wasn't heavy, Hyung would instead retort, asking what was heavy about a book of only a few hundred pages. It was amazing how Hyung's features remained intact even though he always slept with something like this on his face.

Come to think of it, I didn't look much like Hyung. Even though we were twins, there was absolutely no resemblance that would suggest it. Not in our faces, our hair, our personalities, or even our luck.

".......Still, my face is better. Even if I can't beat him in anything else."

Actually, even our faces had such different vibes that it wasn't even a matter of who was better-looking or uglier.

Jeong Tae-ui slightly lowered the book from his face and turned his gaze. From his current position, his reflection wasn't visible, but there was a large mirror hanging next to the desk.

Jeong Tae-ui got up again, walked over there, and pressed his face close to the mirror. A man with a calm face was reflected. I hadn't even lived half my life yet, but I was probably a little tired.

He ran his hand over his face in the mirror. The cold, smooth surface of the glass was felt at his fingertips.

Around his eyes, nose, and mouth, he was tracing them like that when the lamp flickered again. Almost simultaneously, a mechanical sound rang out. It was another call from the same number.

This time, he didn't wait long before answering the phone. A call that comes like this in quick succession is bound to ring again soon if you don't answer it.

"Yes, hello."

When he pressed the lamp, the monitor lit up. And the screen on the other side of the receiver was reflected within it.

Nothing was visible. It was a white wall. Only a corner of a picture frame was faintly visible at the edge of the screen. It was impossible to tell what was depicted in the picture with colors that were hard to discern on the small screen.

"──Hahaa. It's the nephew again."

A voice that sounded familiar spoke. Then, on the screen, a hand reaching out in front of the phone to touch the desk appeared. I remember that hand well. It was a hand so beautiful it was hard to forget.

"Ah, a hand." 

'What?'

When Jeong Tae-ui reflexively blurted out, a short, questioning reply came from the other side, as if surprised.

“Your hand."

For a moment, Jeong Tae-ui thought he had answered incorrectly, but with an unconcerned expression, he tapped the white hand on the monitor. The hand moved inside the monitor. It looked like it was looking at its own hand.

"I recognized those pretty hands right away."

'Haha, thank you. It’s nice to hear such a compliment about my hands for the first time.'

The man on the other side of the monitor laughed. It was still a mechanical voice, but it wasn't as jarring as the first time I heard it.

'Is Instructor Jeong showering again? You seem to go there often, nephew.'

"No, my uncle isn't here. I just came to read a book. My uncle's room has a lot of good books."

'Ah. Instructor Jeong does have a decent hobby.'

The white hand tapped the desk playfully. Those hands really are as clear and pretty as glass. I want to touch them once. Cool shards of glass attached to each finger.

‘Do you like my hand that much?’

“Hmm?”

‘You’re looking at it with such hungry eyes.’

He said with a chuckle in his voice. Jeong Tae-ui also chuckled and shrugged.

“Was I that obvious? Well, yeah, they’re very tempting. It wouldn’t suit me, so I’m just admiring.”

Jeong Tae-ui added this preemptively, thinking the other person might again say he'd cut off his wrist and give it to him after he died. He laughed cheerfully, as if he had guessed Jeong Tae-ui's thoughts.

Jeong Tae-ui suddenly tilted his head. They say you can tell something about a person's life by looking at their hands, but I couldn't figure this man out at all. He didn't seem like he would do rough work, but he also didn't seem like he did desk work holding a pen all day. Even an antique book dealer would have some tough tasks, but hard labor just didn't seem to fit those hands.

“Ilay……?”

Jeong Tae-ui opened his mouth. Come to think of it, this was the first time I was calling this man's name. The man naturally replied with a still-chuckle-filled voice, "Hmm?"

“When I told my uncle that name, he seemed a bit confused. It seems you have several names.”

‘Ahaha, was that so? Well, Instructor Jeong doesn’t call me by my first name. I only have one name. I’m not doing anything bad, so there’s no reason for me to use multiple names.’

“Hmm──I guess that would be the case if you’re a book dealer……but what line of work are you in?”

Jeong Tae-ui trailed off for a moment before asking. What kind of work would someone with hands like that do?

Then the man didn't say anything for a moment. Only the sight of the white hand tapping, tap, tap on the desk was visible. Rather than seeming displeased, he seemed to be gazing intently at him, lost in thought. A cool gaze from behind the lens.

Soon after, he seemed to finish his brief thought and answered slowly.

‘I sometimes help my brother with the family business. My brother will probably take over that, so I don't know……, what will I do for a living. I’ve never thought about it, but hearing you say that makes me a little worried.’

Listening to his voice, which showed no sign of worry at all, Jeong Tae-ui suddenly began to worry about his own future.

If I got out of here safely in six months, I would still be unemployed. Of course, according to my uncle, the experience of being here alone would be enough to find a job without any difficulty, but what kind of work could I really do to make a living? I didn't even know what I wanted.

“I became a total bum after being discharged…….”

He muttered with a deep sigh, and it seemed the sound reached the other side.

‘Discharged? Were you a soldier? Well, there are sometimes people who go there after being in the military. But that’s interesting. Jeong Jae-ui’s younger brother is a soldier…….Haha.’

The man chuckled with a subtle nuance. Jeong Tae-ui slightly raised his eyebrows, looked at his white hand, and then snickered.

“Why? Is it funny that there’s a physically active younger brother under a brainy older brother?”

Then the man laughed out loud this time. He laughed as if he had seen a great comedy and slowly waved his white hand.

‘Not at all, that’s not what I meant. Besides, you don’t seem to have the kind of robust physique to confidently call yourself ‘beastly’, unless you mean it in another way. ……My apologies.’

At the man's laughter, Jeong Tae-ui made a bitter face and said, "It's alright."

‘No, what I meant was that the combination of an older brother who develops weapons and a younger brother who is a victim of those weapons is interesting. If you’re a soldier, aren’t you closer to being a victim rather than a user?’

Jeong Tae-ui, with his chin resting on his hand, paused. He replayed the man's casual words in his mind.

The latter part didn't matter. What was important were the first few words.

The man seemed to notice the strange look on Jeong Tae-ui's face as he stared intently at the white hand. After thinking for a moment, he seemed to realize the reason and muttered, as if embarrassed.

‘Oh dear. Didn't you know?’

“……Yeah. I didn't know. Was my brother involved in weapons development?”

Even as he chuckled and muttered, "Someone else knows my brother better than I do," Tae-ui felt a strange reluctance to say anything more.

Jeong Jae-ui and I weren't brothers with a bad relationship, but we also didn't share everything; we were just ordinary brothers with a moderately good relationship. Moreover, from the time I graduated high school, I rarely stayed home, and Jae-ui was also frequently away, so we didn't really know much about each other's lives. I had only heard here that Jae-ui was a specially treated researcher at the UNHRDO Americas headquarters.

But he’s developing weapons.

When would he have done something like that? If he did, was it at UNHRDO? But it could have been before or after. In any case, we weren't interested in each other's work, so we didn't talk about it much.

Weapons. Weapons, huh.

Jeong Tae-ui smiled bitterly. I knew they were a necessary evil, but I had seen their negative effects far too many times.

‘Looks like I said something I shouldn’t have. People who should know probably do, but it’s still confidential information, so I’d appreciate it if you’d keep that in mind.’

“I also don’t really feel like saying out loud that my brother develops weapons.”

‘Haha. Looks like you don’t like that. Still, your brother is a well-known genius in this industry.’

“Even if he’s a genius at making weapons, you know, it doesn’t really make me happy.”

Jeong Tae-ui, who had been grumbling like that, suddenly raised his eyebrows. Then he rubbed his chin for a moment and chuckled.

“Seeing as you mentioned ‘this industry,’ are you also involved in the weapons business?”

The man fell silent again. This silence was rather long. If it weren't for the hand moving occasionally, I probably would have thought the call had been disconnected.

Finally, he laughed, a sound like a sigh.

‘To be precise, my brother is involved in that. I did say I sometimes help with the family business, didn't I?’

“The family business is weapons-related?”

Jeong Tae-ui asked back with a dumbfounded expression. Then he quickly realized. This man wasn't just some antique book dealer. He was a dealer, but the items he dealt with weren't antique books, but weapons.

“So you make a living selling weapons……”

‘Not me, my brother.──You really seem to dislike it. The rocket launcher your brother designed the prototype for has consistently been in the top rankings for the past few years.’

“Honestly. A world without war is just a pipe dream of someone who lives in a fantasy land…… Jae-ui hyung. If I see you, I’m going to ripe ou a new one.”

The man laughed. The man, who had caused a brief but significant upheaval in Jeong Tae-ui's mind, seemed completely unfazed.

‘How scary. So, are you going to cut ties with your precious brother or something?’

“Like that would make a difference? He’s the one who cut ties first.”

‘Aha?’

The man's voice changed, tinged with interest. I want to see the man's face. He was surely looking at the monitor with a slow, subtle smile.

‘I didn’t know you were such estranged brothers. I thought you were quite close. Why, did you even fight? I wouldn't have thought Jeong Jae-ui would be the type to cut ties with his younger brother first.’

“He said he was going to cut the thread connected right here,” Jeong Tae-ui said, holding up his pinky finger, “and then he left home that day. And he’s still missing.”

Jeong Tae-ui muttered, holding up his pinky finger. It wasn't the complete truth, but that was the gist of it. Then the man was silent for a moment before speaking.

‘Haha. Jae-ui did that? That’s interesting.’

“It might sound interesting to you, but for me, it’s a family crisis.”

‘Haha, ahahahaha.’

The man kept laughing, as if something was very amusing. The sound of his mechanical voice laughing was quite bizarre.

“You seem to be in a good mood.”

‘No……I just think you’re quite different brothers. I thought that even though you’re twins, you’d have some similarities, but your faces are different. Your personalities are different. It’s interesting.’

“──Have you ever met my brother?”

‘Hmm. Well, I’ve casually run into him, just seeing his face. I was very surprised at how young he looked.’

That was something he had experienced many times. People who had heard about Jae-ui through various channels since childhood and finally managed to find him were always surprised when they saw him. It was rare for someone not to express their shock, saying they hadn't expected him to be so young.

But this man doesn't seem that old either.

Jeong Tae-ui stared intently at the white hand, even though he couldn't possibly know the man's age just by looking at his hand.

However, he didn't feel like prying into such personal matters, so he changed the subject.

“The way you talk, you must be very similar to your brother who deals in weapons.”

‘Well, I haven’t heard that I resemble him much, but my brother and I aren’t twins. There’s quite an age difference between us.’

Jeong Tae-ui, who scoffed at the irrelevance of age difference to whether siblings resemble each other, waved his hand.

At that moment, the man paused. He seemed to turn his body slightly, as if someone had come up behind him or perhaps there was some sound. He said he helped with the family business; maybe he lived harmoniously with his family.

‘This is sudden, but I have to go now. Let’s talk again later.’

“Huh? Oh, okay. Uh, but what about my uncle?”

‘I’ll call again later. Bye-bye.’

The white hand waved slightly. With that, the phone call ended. The monitor went dark again.

Jeong Tae-ui sighed and pressed the lamp again. The surroundings became quiet in an instant.

Ding, ding. Just like the white hand had done on the monitor earlier, Jeong Tae-ui stood like a statue, silently tapping the desk. My head felt like it was about to get complicated. But thinking differently, it wasn't something for Jeong Tae-ui to get complicated about beforehand now.

“Geez……I don’t know. I’ll just live in a world where wars break out. It’s not like I’m going to join an anti-war movement.”

Yeah. Even though I quit, there are still many careers in the world that soldiers can do, and they need to make a living too, he muttered, throwing himself onto the bed.

Thwack! He hit the top of his foot on the corner of the bed. It hurts like hell.

***

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Credits:

Translator: Hoshi Miya

Editor/Proofreader: Tâmago

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